Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Indian on weekdays non-indian on the weekend

Everyday i seem to be flip-flopping from pretending to be Indian
or denying the fact that im Indian at all. When it comes to
the cricket im Sri Lankan, when Im about to travel in India
i think ill be "Indian" so I dont get hasseled like a foreigner and
you definately dont want to be sri lankan. When im anywhere else,
Im not Indian, im usually Australian. When it comes to bollywood im
happy to be Indian, tho today once again I find im denying being
Indian or from the sub-contintent , thats why this is so funny !

http://www.betterloverseminar.com/desi_wife_catches_husband

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

piss

taking a piss into a jar and subjecting yourself to drug tests is
probably what stopped me from becoming a top athelete. It
seems so undignified. Animals get to piss wherever they want,
frankly that seems a better system, toilets are fine but labelled
vials are another thing. And when u do the drug test , there
are lines that appear, discovering all ur secrets. May be in the
future you will be able take these tests for other attributes.
Are you serial killer ? Just give us your urine sample. Do you
listen to Hanson, im afraid the line indicates you do. Sorry...

Yep Maximum

Single men are depressed, dating men are stressed, and married
men are teetering on the brink of suicide


Excellent ! Today is valentines day, that fabricated
holiday which you dont even get a day off, driven by
corporations especially the card manufacturing industry.
Valentines day is in fact the second biggest card day of
the year (behind christams). Is it really just a sham ?
This year im thinking that may be its actually a good idea.
Ridicurous you may be thinking. But generally guys dont
really embrace such a holiday because it requires them to
put extra effort, in getting a gift , organising a restaurant
etc etc. But really how hard is it to put in extra effort
may be once or twice (birthdays as well), for someone you
think is pretty good ?? While watching B ring up and try
and book a restaurant for dinner, I saw him battle through
a long list of possible restaurants, calling them up, only
to be rejected time and time again. In fact some of the
restaurants actually laughed at him. Ok may be its unrealistic
to book at some places the day before, but restauranters
who laugh at clients, should be told to fk off. Go back to
your piece of shit job answering fones earning minimum wage,
before making judgement calls on people you cant even see.
Unless you are laughing at the fact they sound like Bill Lumberg.

Anyway perhaps Valentines is the new christmas , a lot of "effort"
but really its not that bad, and christmas theoretically you
have to spend it with your family and here you've chosen this
person. So quit complaining everyone, and enjoy the day ! On
the downside for a single person who doesnt cook, every restaurant
in town is probably booked out and i will starve. But i think
it would be funny, to go on a tour of the restaurants from higher
end to lower end. And you can see who makes the effort and who
is eating at aussie pizza house coz its the only place open.

Tho on a plus side for the single people out there, if your
wondering around valentines day (evening), and you see people
who arent walking around as a couple, they are almost certainly
single ! And if they are female and may be male they are probably
feeling so low, they'll settle for you, perhaps its win win for
everyone! Tho apparently the suicide rate does go up during this
time of the year , so may be even the depressed have standards...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Wolfmother

Wolfmother and wolf & cub represent 3 generation of
wolves, so ive been told by someone in the music industry.
The wolfmother being the cub's grandmother.
All things aside, I got the wolfmother album the
other day, and its really good. People Ive been talking
to have been not that enthusiastic about it, although
it has obviously had enormous commercial success. Are
people jealous of their success or do they really hate
the music ? I mean if you liked led zeppelin or the white
stripes, it seems like wolfmother would be your bag. Wolf
& cub are pretty good, especially considering they're a
couple of generations behind wolfmother.

High stakes poker

High stakes poker is probably the best made tv show
going around. All the best players in the world
playing $300-$600 NL ($100 ante). Since im in making list mode,
tried to come up with the list of ppl ive played against
from the show in live tournaments:
- Negreanu
- Doyle Brunson
- Phil Laak (unabomber)
- Gus Hansen
- Erik Lindgren
- John Juanda
- Jennifer Harman
good players still to go - mattusow , hellmuth, chan,
esfandiari, minh ly, Farha, greenstein, freddie deeb.
daniel elahi

So about 1/2 way.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

trilby vs the bilby

One of them you can wear a hat at the melbourne cup ?
The answer the trilby. Of course the bilby is the small
marsupial bandicoot like animal. The bibly being Australia's
answer to the easter bunny. However it would be kind of
tripped out if everyone who wearing trilbies at the melbourne
cup , chose to wear live bilbies. Be a nightmare, but it could
work.

However i think i will just be wearing a boring old trilby
to the melbourne cup, not sure if i can get in with a bilby. I have
discovered there are two styles of trilbies, the trilby being
the softish hat that detectives and many of your favourite
movie characters may have worn at some stage. The two styles
being the chester style, brim smaller and up turned vs
the graduate, the wider brim old chool and often with a band
around the bottom.

the trilby

high powered dreams?

[In a dream, discussing the merits of an unkown
director]

Lady - " he works well with children in acting classes"
Me- "How is that related to anything, it doesnt mean he
can direct"
Lady's husband - "Its true, its like the situation in
Sinapore early on, when the market was highly regulated,
and interest rates were the primary tool to effect monetary
policy. Only when the advent of bonds came in, was there
realy any flexibility."

At this point i woke up and thought to myself what the hell
is going on here ? Who has people in dreams with characters,
giving off dialogue like that ? Im not sure what that means,
could it be that im infinitely smarter when im asleep, sometimes i
can compose music, write poetry, tho im quite sure most of what i come
up with is most likely rubbish...

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Food glorious food

Whats good , ciao and in particular the seafood
calzone, hell all the calzones there are good, infact
the seafood calzone might be the only food product
where i dont mind and possibly enjoy anchovies on it.
When best to go to ciao ? Monday , tuesday and firday evenings
have 1/2 priced meals.

Want a free beer and sandwich(s)?
Go and donate blood. Giving blood could be a substitute for
doing drugs, why sniff petrol when its legal and your doing a
good deed. And if you work it counts as working, unfortunately
you can only go once every 3 months. I did find out that having
been in aruba recently, i was a malaria risk, and that last night
i was out on the balcony , and it was happy hour out there, as
the mosquitoes were getting stuck right in. One of the downsides
of having large easy to access veins.

Indian ?
tajtandoor is better than BI, if your gonna choose. The vindaloo,
is so mild at BI it was no vindaloo, definately not living up to its name
the vinda meaining to "send painfully" and loo , well toilet of course.
If i was indian i would have been embarassed. Why isnt there a good
srilankan restaurant with proper sri lankan food?

I should get in the restaurant business, south indian food or srilankan
food , definate market. At the end of day 3 of the WSOP, lisandro
who is burger/srilankan and i spent the last half hour or so talking
about srilankanfood. The curries , the sambals, its kind of trippy
talkin about the beach and home cooked food, when its 3am and your
in the biggest tournament of your life. In fact the next day he said
if I could find a srilankan lady he would pay her $800 to cook us up a
meal. I wonder if there are any good srilankan cooks in vegas. Its
true srilankans, do make a good effort to get the right spices and
ingredients, and arent going to settle for the shit they pass of as
food in vegas. Next time...

good morning adelaide

"rise and shine campers , its cold out here" Hang on
thats the opening radio bit from groundhog day. But
if your in adelaide, whats to say your not stuck in
groundhog day, the weather is good, the sun is out,
monday to friday, hey doesnt sound too bad ?

Hey is anyone having fun out there ? This week
make a mental note when your having fun/enjoying
yourself. Are you sucking on the marrow, are you
licking the marrow, can you see the marrow ?

If everyones marching to the same beat it makes
it tough, this week find a new beat, da boom boom
boom da boom boom.

Anyway heres a list of things to do to keep you busy

101 things to do !

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Gods must be crazy part X

The simple idea of a coke bottle dropping off a plane,
into a village, and everything seems ok at first
but slowly turns to chaos, is sheer brilliance. One
day i wouldnt mind testing that out.

Although not on the same level, I have left a bottle of nutella-
family size at a friends place. I noticed everyone
took a large spoonful at some stage while i was there.
But as the level of nutella starts to decrease , ppl
will be a lot more wary of the nutella jar, and slowly
but surely chaos and anarchy may run riot... Depending
on how this goes i would like to drop a nutella jar into
an amazonian or african tribe and see the results.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

How to make it as a super celebrity couple?

Ok say your a celebrity now, actor or actress, you
find urself going out with someone in the acting world
, but your not sure whether the two of you are
going to make it as a Super Celebrity Couple ?

Heres a (definitive) guide in what you need to consider.
After all why are you going out with this person anyway,
is it not to just to boost your own personal profile and
appear in every crappy magazine out there.

1. What is your super celebrity couple name ? All the
super couples have catchy couple names that can be bandied
around in the press when referring to the two of them
together, eg. brangelina and tomkat. So running my
name in the simulators for natalie (portman) or scarlett
(johannson) I could only form RayNat which sounds like
some sort of vermin poison or Rascarlett, a small
mischieveous child. Not such a good start.

2. Release a shit film where you both star together! So
now people know your a couple, they want to see how you
met, unfortunately as no documentary exists on the fact
that you hooked up at some bad elton john party where
he was probably auctioning off the clothes he was wearing
earlier in the evening, the public will be dying
to see the film where you "met". This is despite the fact
you hooked up well before the making of the film, and it appeared
in lots of magazines. Your film can be as dull as shit
coz the same people who read the magazines that you feature
in which are as dull as shit will also see your film. It
is helpful to have a title like Mr and Mrs X, so people
know the film will feature you as a couple. The plot can have the
holes the size of the san andreas fault as long as the couple make
out enuff times, and a do a few couply things. People
will take this as a valuable insight in how their real lives
must actually be, may be Brad and Angelina try and kill
each other with pots and pans and then make out while still
beating one another, Oh they are so cool !

3. Wacky religious beliefs / practices ? It is helpul if you
have strange religous belifs or do things like swapping vials
of blood with one another and sticking it in your hair. This
helps maximise your X factor, but sadly it is unlikely to
make anyone think you are any less of a freak, but it does
help pad out the gossip columns. If your struggling to find
a "religon" that suits you , make one up ! Pick one of
your favourite/interesting subjects you did at school and add ology
as a suffix. Eg. gym, so u would say you worshiped "gymology",
some of the beliefs might include wearing small shorts and the
urge to climb any dangling ropes.

4. Having children ? This is going to take up a lot of space
in gossip magazines, so its good to get it right. Firstly
it helps to go to a secret hideaway retreat to give birth,
but unfortunately you have left a post-it note on the door of your
mansion saying gone to mogadishu to give birth to children, and
some cunning paparazzi guy has read the note and also tipped
of everyone else. Eventually everyone in mogadishu knows
but does not care, and so does the rest of the world. It is
good to bring a massive entourage with you, in fact it helps
if your net worth exceeds the GDP of the country you go to.
In selecting which country you should go to, be creative! If
you have a huskies why not go to siberia, so your pets can
have somewhere to play with, and the snow and extreme cold will
provide an adequate buffer against the most enthusisastic of
paparazzi. Tho remember you only want to pretend that you dont
want the paparazzi to take photos , so it would be helpful that
you provide them with a snow mobile so they can get around easily.

5. Naming your children ? - This is a chance to show your creative
side, hey acting is an art, and naming your kids can be an art
as well. Heres a chance to scar someone elses life by
giving them some ridiculous name. Whats in vogue these days,
well you can pick a name relating to a city/place youve been to or
would like to go, i do like tonga , but perhaps thats only
because of the late show. But why do that , when you can perhaps
choose the name of the restaurant you went to. You could call
your kid "subway" or even better the meal you had "meatball
marinara". Why he or she will be the coolest kid at school.
I guess thats what happened wtih meatloaf. Some chilren
are part of a large franchise, like Paris Hilton, which
isnt a bad name, but i wonder if there are any Elizabeth
Bilos floating around. Also, its also a novel idea to let
someone else name your kid, like a political leader in the country
you are having the child. This really helps speed things up in
customs. You could just set up an sms poll, as everyone already
has your number from paris hilton's phone!

6. Should you adopt ? Adopting children is very hip these days.
For one, if your a girl, i imagine child birth would be
pretty tuff, and why do all the hard work when someone else
has done it for you. When adopting a child its helpful that
obviously the child comes from a poor background coz if the
mum does want the child back, they wont be able to afford
the astronomical legal fees it would take to try and get
custod. Apart from denying the child a "normal"
life of playing with kids his age and may be his background,
why stop there ? Feel free to give the child even further
psychological problems. After all you possibly could be the
hottest couple in the world and your adopted child will obviously
have no chance of disguising the fact that say brad pitt and
anglina jolie didnt give birth to a baby who is extremely dark,
even if they do start putting babies in tanning beds from
an early age. On top of that when you give birth to your own
children, they will be amazingly good looking, help increasing
the childs inferiority complex. Tho discipline should be easy,
as you can always thereaten to return them to some impoverished
african country, even if they didnt actually come from their.

7. Noble cause. As a couple its also helpful to have a noble
hobby that you occasionaly pursue, as shooting furry animals
with large rifles suprisingly doesnt count. Giving maps
of where there are mines is helpful, giving children a map
with the mines, but writing treasure hunt on it is probably
not so helpful.

Anyway, I hope if you do find yourself in the akward position
of perhaps being a celebrity super couple , take some of these
tips on board with you, and ill read about them in the latest
"Why ?" or Who (give a shite) magazine.